Men’s emotional expression and societal norms

Men’s emotional expression and societal norms: Breaking the Silence

Men are often told to “be strong,” to “man up,” and to suppress their feelings. This deeply ingrained notion, a product of prevailing societal norms, creates a formidable barrier to authentic emotional expression, leading to a silent crisis for countless individuals. The impact of these restrictive masculinity ideals is particularly acute in South Africa, where historical and cultural factors have contributed to a challenging landscape for men’s mental and emotional well-being. This article delves into the origins of these norms, their profound consequences, and the urgent need for a societal shift that embraces vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness.

The Shackles of Traditional Masculinity

From a young age, boys are often socialised into rigid conceptions of masculinity that emphasise dominance, aggression, and the suppression of vulnerability.³ Phrases like “big boys don’t cry” echo through generations, instilling the belief that emotions, particularly those associated with sadness or fear, are a sign of weakness.⁴ This cultural scripting, reinforced by family, peers, educational institutions, and even media, molds boys into individuals who believe they must be stoic, in control, and impervious to pain.

The expectation that men must be the primary providers and protectors further exacerbates this pressure.⁵ In a country like South Africa, grappling with high unemployment rates and socio-economic disparities, the inability to fulfill these traditional roles can lead to immense stress, feelings of emasculation, and a heightened sense of inadequacy. This can contribute to a vicious cycle where men feel compelled to hide their struggles, fearing judgment and the perception of being “less of a man.”

The Unseen Cost: Mental Health and its Fallout

The suppression of emotions carries a heavy toll. When men are discouraged from processing their feelings, these emotions often manifest in unhealthy ways.⁶ We see this in alarming statistics related to mental health among men in South Africa. The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) reports that a staggering 75% of those who commit suicide in South Africa are men. This is a chilling reflection of the silent battles many men fight alone.

Instead of verbalising sadness or anxiety, men might present symptoms differently. They may experience irritability, sudden anger, increased risk-taking behaviours, substance abuse, or chronic physical aches. These “gendered presentations” of mental health disorders often go unrecognised or are dismissed, further delaying much-needed intervention. The link between rigid masculinity norms and gender-based violence (GBV) is also well-established, with some men resorting to aggression and control as a means to assert their perceived masculinity when feeling otherwise disempowered.⁷

The pervasive stigma surrounding mental health amplifies this crisis.⁸ The notion that seeking help is a sign of weakness prevents many men from reaching out, even when they are in desperate need. This societal pressure reinforces a dangerous cycle of isolation and unaddressed trauma, leading to devastating outcomes for individuals, families, and communities.

Challenging the Narrative: A Call for Change

To address this profound issue, a radical shift in society’s perception of masculinity is imperative. We need to move beyond outdated notions and embrace a more positive, inclusive understanding of what it means to be a man. This involves:

1. Fostering Emotional Literacy from a Young Age:

It is crucial to teach boys that all emotions are valid and that expressing them openly and constructively is a strength. Creating safe spaces in homes, schools, and communities where boys can discuss their feelings without fear of ridicule or judgment is paramount. This includes challenging the “boys don’t cry” narrative and encouraging empathy and vulnerability.

2. Promoting Positive Male Role Models:

Public figures, fathers, uncles, and community leaders have a vital role to play in normalising emotional expression. When men in positions of influence openly discuss their struggles and seek help, it sends a powerful message that it is okay to be vulnerable. This can inspire others to do the same and break down the barriers of stigma.

3. Increasing Accessibility to Mental Health Services:

Mental health care in South Africa often receives inadequate funding, with a focus on hospital-based care rather than preventative or community-based services.9 There is an urgent need to expand accessible, affordable, and culturally relevant mental health resources, including counselling, support groups, and digital platforms tailored to men’s needs. Initiatives that provide private and evening sessions can also help reduce the stigma for working men.

4. Engaging Men in the Conversation:

Meaningful change requires the active participation of men themselves. Creating platforms for men to engage in deconstructing harmful constructs of masculinity, discussing their experiences of violence and abuse, and addressing unresolved anger is crucial. Organisations and community efforts that provide such spaces are instrumental in fostering healing and growth.

South African Media Leading the Way

Fortunately, there are growing conversations and initiatives in South Africa aimed at challenging these norms and promoting healthier masculinity. Mainstream media outlets are increasingly highlighting the importance of men’s emotional well-being and the need for societal change. Here are five examples:

1. Mail & Guardian: This publication has consistently featured articles and opinion pieces on the pressures men face due to societal expectations of masculinity and the resultant impact on their mental health. An article titled “Men carry the burden of society’s expectation of masculinity” (November 22, 2021) delves into how these expectations can lead to mental health issues, including higher suicide rates among men.¹⁰ https://mg.co.za/thought-leader/opinion/2021-11-22-men-carry-the-burden-of-societys-expectation-of-masculinity/
2. Health Systems Trust: This organisation, often covered by mainstream media, provides valuable insights into health-related issues in South Africa. Their blog post “Mental Health and South African Men: A Cause for Concern” (July 6, 2023) discusses how traditional gender roles contribute to men bottling up emotions and the increase in men-centred organisations seeking to bridge the gap in mental health support.¹¹ https://www.hst.org.za/media/blog/Lists/Posts/Post.aspx?ID=188
3. Bizcommunity: This platform, widely read for business and community news, has published articles addressing the male mental health crisis. “Why SA needs to address its male mental health crisis” discusses how traditional models of masculinity contribute to serious mental health challenges and the importance of creating safe spaces for boys and men to confront their emotions.¹² https://www.bizcommunity.com/article/why-sa-needs-to-address-its-male-mental-health-crisis-144186a
4. Africa InTouch News: This news portal has also shed light on men’s mental health issues. An article titled “Ending the silence on male suicide during men’s mental health month” (June 18, 2025) highlights the alarming suicide statistics among South African men and attributes it to cultural expectations around masculinity and the suppression of emotional pain. https://news.africaintouch.co.za/article/2025/6/18/ending-the-silence-on-male-suicide-during-mens-mental-health-month,1024/
5. Good Things Guy: While focusing on positive news, this platform has also addressed the challenges faced by South African boys and men.¹³ “The Challenges of Raising South African Boys to be Good Men” (July 26, 2024) discusses how societal pressures and the lack of safe spaces for vulnerability contribute to poor mental health outcomes and the importance of fostering positive masculinity. https://www.goodthingsguy.com/opinion/the-challenges-of-raising-south-african-boys-to-be-good-men/

   These examples demonstrate a growing awareness and commitment within South African media to address this critical issue, fostering a more open and supportive environment for men to express their emotions and seek the help they need.

Conclusion

The notion that men don’t cry is a harmful societal construct that has far-reaching consequences for men’s emotional and mental well-being in South Africa and globally.¹⁴ It perpetuates a cycle of emotional suppression, leading to increased rates of mental health issues and other societal ills.¹⁵ By challenging rigid societal norms, promoting emotional literacy, fostering positive male role models, and ensuring accessible mental health services, we can create a society where men are empowered to express their full spectrum of emotions without fear of judgment.¹⁶ This shift is not just about individual well-being; it’s about building a healthier, more empathetic, and ultimately, more just society for all.